Unmotivated to Write

I have obviously been MIA from my column for a long time now. Like any experienced procrastinator, I am not without excuses. Here are a few off the top of my head.

First, we have had some ridiculous road trips. Playing three games in three nights in Grand Rapids, Toronto, and Cleveland, while getting my only sleep on a bus in between, is not a conducive environment for me to write my column.

The second reason is that the good people at Netflix keep sending me quality television to watch. Every time I think I am going to sit down and write a column for my loyal readers, I am tempted by those DVDs in the little red packages. They just seem to call my name… “Ben…come watch six hours of Lost…” I’m telling you, they are hard to resist.

My final excuse came last week when I was called up by Pittsburgh. I am going to spare you the details of my trip up there, but I received lots of nice notes from many friends. Here are a couple of the funnier ones I received.

• Ned Havern sent me a note, “Congrats on getting called up. Now go out and enjoy it. You did a ton of work to get there. Did you buy an Escalade yet? WWJDDO? (What would Johnny D’Aversa do?)”

• One of my best friends from college works as an investment banker in New York. His father sent this e-mail to my father: “Carl it was an awesome debut. He played great. Almost got in a tussle. It must have been a thrill. Sort of like the first time Danny clicked on his computer at Lazard.”

• I got a nice one from Luca Caputi. I’m not sure how Luca would do in a spelling bee, but the guy can effortlessly recite, word for word, page 42 of the Hugo Boss catalogue if you asked him. “Beny, congradulasions in gittin called up…show dow…lol…u diserve it congrads pal.”

• Over the course of the year, Danny Richmond has made it perfectly clear that guys in the locker room are his “teammates,” not his friends. Danny says there is a big difference between the two. He has to be around his teammates, he wants to be around his friends. With that in mind, right after I got called up, I guess Danny decided to take our relationship out of teammateship and into the friend zone, as I received the following familiar email:

Danny added you as a friend on Facebook. We need to confirm that you know Danny in order for you to be friends on Facebook.

To confirm this friend request, follow the link below:
http://www.facebook.com/n/?reqs.php

Thanks,
The Facebook Team

I obviously rejected Danny.

• Unhappy Reader wrote me the following nice email; “So now that you are scoring goals, becoming the star of games, and playing in the NHL, you think you are too good to write us blogs anymore? We know that you are busy, it's understandable. But seriously, you can't take ten minutes out of your life to write one blog for us? When I am sad, I read your blogs and every time, I laugh. It makes my day when you update. I saw your interview after a morning skate in Pitt. You said that you are "not much of a sleeper" and that you usually just spend time watching t.v. Maybe you should take time out of a rerun and update your blog.”

Dear Unhappy Reader,

I’m sorry to inconvenience you; I didn’t realize you were paying to read what I wrote. Therefore, you have been banned from ever reading what I write again. If you are sick of my website, I hear Luca Caputi has an exceptionally well-written column that is really entertaining. Enjoy!

Love,
Ben

• “Ben, sorry to see your back down here. You played great! Can we get some inside scoop on the Pitt team now?”

Absolutely not. I'm not good enough friends with guys up there to divulge any stories. Sorry. That said, If you would like any “scoop” on Luca Caputi, I am good enough friends with him to make fun of him as much as I please.