Unmotivated to Write

I have obviously been MIA from my column for a long time now. Like any experienced procrastinator, I am not without excuses. Here are a few off the top of my head.

First, we have had some ridiculous road trips. Playing three games in three nights in Grand Rapids, Toronto, and Cleveland, while getting my only sleep on a bus in between, is not a conducive environment for me to write my column.

The second reason is that the good people at Netflix keep sending me quality television to watch. Every time I think I am going to sit down and write a column for my loyal readers, I am tempted by those DVDs in the little red packages. They just seem to call my name… “Ben…come watch six hours of Lost…” I’m telling you, they are hard to resist.

My final excuse came last week when I was called up by Pittsburgh. I am going to spare you the details of my trip up there, but I received lots of nice notes from many friends. Here are a couple of the funnier ones I received.

• Ned Havern sent me a note, “Congrats on getting called up. Now go out and enjoy it. You did a ton of work to get there. Did you buy an Escalade yet? WWJDDO? (What would Johnny D’Aversa do?)”

• One of my best friends from college works as an investment banker in New York. His father sent this e-mail to my father: “Carl it was an awesome debut. He played great. Almost got in a tussle. It must have been a thrill. Sort of like the first time Danny clicked on his computer at Lazard.”

• I got a nice one from Luca Caputi. I’m not sure how Luca would do in a spelling bee, but the guy can effortlessly recite, word for word, page 42 of the Hugo Boss catalogue if you asked him. “Beny, congradulasions in gittin called up…show dow…lol…u diserve it congrads pal.”

• Over the course of the year, Danny Richmond has made it perfectly clear that guys in the locker room are his “teammates,” not his friends. Danny says there is a big difference between the two. He has to be around his teammates, he wants to be around his friends. With that in mind, right after I got called up, I guess Danny decided to take our relationship out of teammateship and into the friend zone, as I received the following familiar email:

Danny added you as a friend on Facebook. We need to confirm that you know Danny in order for you to be friends on Facebook.

To confirm this friend request, follow the link below:
http://www.facebook.com/n/?reqs.php

Thanks,
The Facebook Team

I obviously rejected Danny.

• Unhappy Reader wrote me the following nice email; “So now that you are scoring goals, becoming the star of games, and playing in the NHL, you think you are too good to write us blogs anymore? We know that you are busy, it's understandable. But seriously, you can't take ten minutes out of your life to write one blog for us? When I am sad, I read your blogs and every time, I laugh. It makes my day when you update. I saw your interview after a morning skate in Pitt. You said that you are "not much of a sleeper" and that you usually just spend time watching t.v. Maybe you should take time out of a rerun and update your blog.”

Dear Unhappy Reader,

I’m sorry to inconvenience you; I didn’t realize you were paying to read what I wrote. Therefore, you have been banned from ever reading what I write again. If you are sick of my website, I hear Luca Caputi has an exceptionally well-written column that is really entertaining. Enjoy!

Love,
Ben

• “Ben, sorry to see your back down here. You played great! Can we get some inside scoop on the Pitt team now?”

Absolutely not. I'm not good enough friends with guys up there to divulge any stories. Sorry. That said, If you would like any “scoop” on Luca Caputi, I am good enough friends with him to make fun of him as much as I please.

i think

1.) I think I’m moving out of the basement. For good.

2.) I think I have enjoyed getting to know a lot of people throughout the area while playing for the penguins. I just don’t think I’m comfortable facebook chatting. Sorry.

3.) I think I didn’t go to a single one of the huge chain restaurants in Wilkes-Barre last year.

4.) I think my goal is to eat at Bennigans, Red Robin, Ground Round, Olive Garden, Outback, The Roadhouse, ect at least once this year.

5.) I think people from home would compare Wilkes-Barre to Rt. 12A in West Lebanon.

6.) I think during training camp I had 64 people ask to be my friend on facebook. I’m a fairly introverted person, do you think I really met that many people during a three week period?

7.) I think Californication is absolutely brilliant. Best show of all time…and I’ve watched a lot of tv.

8.) I think it’s a toss-up which alumnus from the University of Notre Dame the school most regrets granting admission: Timmy Wallace, Steve Bartman, or David Brown.

9.) I think that John D’Aversa and Aaron Boogaard may have enjoyed their time playing junior hockey. There is no doubt in my mind that they would have liked being college students more.

10.) I think Entourage has gotten boring.

Texas

Texas is a great place. I would definitely live there when I get older if the opportunity presents itself. Texas was great to the Baby Pens, as well. On Thursday morning, we took the bus from Wilkes-Barre to Newark where we arrived at the airport three and a half hours before takeoff. After a relatively painless flight, we arrived in San Antonio to perfect weather. 75 degrees, no humidity – just the way I like it. We drove through the downtown area and the much regarded River Walk and continued through the nice part of the city toward the not-so-nice part of the city to our La Quinta Hotel. Did you know that La Quinta is Spanish for “not very nice Holiday Inn?” I didn’t, now I do.

We took a long walk avoiding 11 million birds, down to the River Walk in downtown San Antonio and met former Penguin, Ryan Lannon, for dinner. Honestly, if the city has one problem, it was the birds. They covered the sky, and we actively had to try to avoid them from defecating on us. During our ten minute walk, three people were hit by bird droppings. It was crazy.

For those of you who have never been to San Antonio, the city built a man made river that winds underneath the entire downtown, and you can walk along the river where they have great shops, restaurants, and bars. The city of Wilkes-Barre should definitely look into building a river walk through our downtown. It was a nice place. We won the game, which was nice because it allowed us to enjoy Halloween in San Antonio, even though I think we still would have enjoyed the night either way.

The day after Halloween, we flew to Houston. This flight made little sense to me, as it was only a three-hour drive. We arrived at the airport at 8:15 a.m. for an 11 a.m. flight. I was not a math major, but that is longer than the drive would have been. We arrived in Houston to another gorgeous day and went right to the practice rink. After practice, we went to our hotel, a beautiful Hilton right in downtown Houston across the street from the hockey rink. As I was walking down to the game, I saw Yao Ming in the hallway. My defense partner, Joey Mormina, is 6’6’’ and looks like a monster on the ice. Yao is a foot taller. It was crazy. I took a year of Mandarin in high school and as I was walking by him I tried my best to remember anything about the language. I couldn’t so I put my head down and walked by him. We won both games; Texas was good to the Baby Pens.

Today we are flying from Houston to LaGuardia for an 11 a.m. game against Bridgeport on Wednesday. Tough flight home. Mormina and I sat in the window and aisle seats respectively, and a man between us farted the entire flight. Every thirty seconds he would let one go. It was absolutely painful. I wonder if Crosby has to deal with farting strangers on his charter flights.

In The Name of Love(joy)

A brilliant young writer once responded to an innocent question, “Hey Ben! I was just wondering what kind of music you listen to?” with a condescendingly arrogant retort, “Why, are you going to make me a mix tape? Am I in middle school?” Little did I now how those sarcastic words would come back to haunt me.

Fast forward a month later, and Brian Coe, our Director of Media Relations came to me before a game with a smirk that is seen solely when he has something funny to say. He handed me a mix tape that was made for me by a fan titled, “Songs About Love(joy).” I had a quick laugh and stashed the CD in my locker thinking that if we won, I would pull the CD out after the game and as a team we would laugh at the ridiculousness of the CD together. Unfortunately, we lost the game, so I took the CD to my car and put it into the player. What I heard over the speakers were eight of the most ridiculous songs I had ever listened to.

The first song on the disc was titled, “Tainted Love(joy)” by Soft Cell. The song was perfectly normal for about 45 seconds. It went through the start of the song just as it normally would as if I were listening to it on the radio. The first verse went by,

Sometimes I feel I've got to 

Run away I've got to

Get away 

From the pain that you drive into the heart of me 

The love we share 

Seems to go nowhere 

And I've lost my light
For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night

This was pretty normal and I was not so sure where the CD was taking me…until the chorus started.

Once I ran to you (I ran)

Now I'll run from you

This tainted love you've given

I give you all a boy could give you 

Take my tears and that's not nearly all 


Then it happened…

Oh...tainted love(joy) 
Tainted love(joy)

Every time the word love was mentioned for the rest of the CD, the song would cut out and a voice would come on and say, “joy.” For the next 8 tracks on the CD, they all did this. It was one of the funniest, and creepiest, things I had ever heard. I was almost embarrassed that someone had taken the time to make a CD like this for me. After listening to the CD (not the whole thing, just skipping from track to track) I took it out and put it in the side panel of my car door where it stayed for a month or two.

Fast forward two months. Ryan Lannon is riding shotgun and his cell phone falls into the side panel of my car door. He digs for his phone and came up with the CD, and his face looks like he just hit the lottery. After a few delighted screams from him and a warning from me, he puts the CD in the dash and proceeds to listen to every word of every song. Tainted Love(joy), I’m all out of Love(joy), Addicted to Love(joy), and a few other classics.

Mr. Lannon obviously brought the CD into the locker room the next day, and it was played over and over for the rest of the season. This season, Danny Richmond has taken it to a new level. When I first got cut from Pittsburgh last month, the CD and case (which is decorated with pictures of me) were mounted on the top of our locker room’s stereo system. Since the day we all arrived, Mr. Richmond has played the CD every single day, he has burned copies of the CD for relatives, and he has copied it onto his Ipod so he can carry it around with him. At first I thought it was a joke, but since then he has taken it way too far. He is obsessed with the eight songs. So obsessed that he has asked me to seek out the maker and ask him for Volume II of the disc. He has his own wish list for the songs that will go on it though. His first choice? U2’s In the Name of Love(joy). It has gotten to the point where he no longer calls me by my real name. He simply refers to me as, “In the Name of Lovejoy” - only he sings it like Bono would.

Other tracks requested by Danny Richmond:
1.) Led Zeppelin – All of my Love(joy)
2.) Bob Marley - One Love(joy)
3.) Akon – I Wanna Love(joy) You
4.) Counting Crows – Accidentally in Love(joy)
5.) The Beatles – Hide your Love(joy) away
6.) Phil Collins – You can’t hurry Love(joy)
7.) U2 – In the Name of Love(joy)
8.) The Outfield – Use Your Love(joy)
9.) Rascal Flats – I Wanna Love(joy) You Outloud

I guess there is no real end to my story, other than for me to ask whoever did make that CD, if you could make a Volume II it would be greatly appreciated.


Quote of the Week: "You guys are going to Texas? That's a long bus ride." - Matt Lovejoy on being a semi-professional athlete.

Swear on the Show

During many of the conversations that go on between teammates, I like to eavesdrop and then make fun of some of the ridiculous things that come out of their mouths. During most conversations either at dinner or and in the locker room, I tend to sit back and just listen and try to understand how they get through everyday life thinking and saying these thoughts.
After listening to a training camp conversation between Paul Bissonette and Luca Caputi recently, I burst out laughing at the ridiculousness of a phrase that they were each tossing back and forth.

Have you ever tried convincing a friend of something, and they did not believe you? Often when this happens, you or your friend might say, "I swear to God." Of course your friend would then believe you, because you would not cross God for the fear of going to hell. Well, with Luca and Paul, this was recently taken to a whole new level. I overheard a conversation that went something like this:

Paul: Obviously that girl wasn't a 10, or there is no way she would have talked to you.
Luca: She was a 10, ask Johnny D, he saw her at the bar.
Paul: I don't believe you.
Luca: I swear on the show.
Paul: You swear on the show?
Luca: Yeah, I swear on the show.
Paul: Okay, I believe you.


Canada is a funny place.

P.S. - I think if the economy can pull the kind of 180 that Paul Bissonnette achieved in the last year, the country would be a much happier place.

The Last Column - Thank You

I skated off the ice after an early season, practice only to find Brian Coe standing in the hallway waiting to speak to me. I had just moved into Ryan Lannon’s basement and things in general were going quite well. Mr. Coe asked me if I had any interest in writing a column for the local newspaper, and it took me no time at all to accept. The first five or six columns came very easy for me – maybe I was just excited. Soon thereafter, I began to run out of ideas, but after some time I feel like I got the hang of things. From that point on, this writing thing became fairly simple.

I like to think the same sort of thing happened on the ice for both the team and for me. We had a solid start, then struggled for a while, and most recently, we have been playing some pretty good hockey. As the regular season comes to an end this week, so too will my columns in the Weekender. I have had a lot of fun writing this year and hope to continue writing again sometime in the near future. My weekly column has allowed many people who would not normally get to know me to find out what kind of person I am. It has also enabled me to get to know many of the people in the greater Wilkes-Barre area whom I normally would never have gotten the chance to meet.

As I sit here writing we are currently tied for first place with Philadelphia. We all feel quite confident that we can go far into the playoffs – if not win the Calder Cup. We have had high expectations for ourselves all year and even when we struggled we knew we were talented enough to hopefully go on a run during the playoffs. Our two rookie goalies took over for Ty Conklin and have been playing exceptionally well. Our defensive corps has led the team to the lowest goals against stat in the AHL. Our forward lines, as talented as they are, have rarely enjoyed continuity due to the fluid nature of the call-ups (and returns) to the NHL have started to click and have been scoring big goals when needed. And who will ever forget the Dennis Bonvie Farewell Tour, highlighted by a goal last week (hopefully not his last), that sparked an improbable comeback against the Hamilton Bulldogs.

I have received flattering feedback from my column and it seems like many of my readers have enjoyed reading what I have to say. I only wish some of my college professors appreciated my writing as much as the people here in Wilkes-Barre. Although my teammates and I are paid to play hockey, I hope that you’ve gained the sense from the column that there’s still plenty of “little boy” left in all of us. We’ve all been playing the game for many, many years and, despite the fact that the season can be a grind at times, we still love the game. And while we’d still be out on the ice even if you all weren’t in the stands, your passion for the Penguins and the support you’ve given us since game #1 makes what we do so much more fun. Thanks so much for packing the Wachovia Center night after night – and I hope to see you all again next year.

Stay Hot

I have written twenty-four columns for The Weekender over the last six months and my goal scoring touch, or lack thereof, has been well documented in many of them. As a few of you may know, the drought came to an end on March 12th in a game against, coincidentally, my first professional team, the Norfolk Admirals.

In the locker room, I sit next to fellow defenseman, Derek Engelland. After about fifty games, Derek noticed in the informational packages each team receives before games that there was a stat showing how many shots on net each player on the team had taken. He also noticed that I was creeping up on 100 shots on net without scoring. He convinced himself, and me, that my hundredth shot on net would go in for my first pro goal. That thought was kind of cool. What wasn’t cool was after the 100th shot on net didn’t go in, Derek would tell me that number 101 was going in, or number 102 was going to go in. That got annoying.

Chris Minard leads our team with about 800 shots on net. The team’s leading goal scorer, Kurtis MacLean, has taken 103 shots on net. Before my first goal, I had taken 107 shots on net. I mean honestly, wouldn’t you think if you had taken 107 shots on net, even a talented goalie would screw up and allow at least one to get by him? Then it happened. Midway through the third period of a tie game against Norfolk, I skated down the ice on a rush with Dennis Bonvie, Dave Gove, and Mark Letestu. Bonvie gracefully skated down the right wing, and fed a backdoor pass to Letestu. Letestu did not have a good shooting lane, so he backhanded the puck in front of the net to me. It could not have worked out more perfectly. The Admirals goalie thought Letestu was going to shoot and completely committed to Mark, and I was blessed with a wide open net. I had no time (or need) to stickhandle, think, or do anything other than shovel the puck into the net.

After that, everything went blank for me. I remember being so relieved, so happy that I finally scored a professional goal. Gove eventually outshined me that night by scoring a hat trick (should it really count if one of the three goals you score is an empty netter?), but I promise you I was the happiest guy in the rink. We won the game, which was a big division win for us, especially after being behind in the contest 2-0. It turned out to be a pretty good night for the Penguins.

One of the best parts of the night came after I returned home. I was on my phone with my younger brother, Nick, telling him about my goal, when the phone beeped with three new text messages. I hung up with Nick and checked the messages, and all three were from Penguins teammates who were currently in the NHL. In the span of about 45 seconds, I got text messages from Connor James, Chris Minard, and Ryan Stone. It was such a great feeling to know that these guys, who were busy playing hockey at the highest level, still paid attention to how their friends were doing down in the AHL - and that they were still getting excited for a teammate who was finally able to score his first goal. I quickly responded, thanking all three of them, and told them I hoped I wouldn’t be seeing them again in Wilkes-Barre for a very long time…